"THEN DON'T."

What a no-nonsense 1:1 reading with me feels like, but in 5 minutes.

When clients come to me feeling stuck, overwhelmed, or drained by something they feel they "should" be doing—whether it’s going on dating apps, running their business in a certain way, or keeping up with an online persona they secretly loathe—my response is often simple:

"Then Don’t."

At first, they usually expect a different kind of guidance—maybe a motivational push, a reframe of their situation, or reassurance that perseverance will pay off. They assume I’ll see a clairvoyant vision of an angel, or spiritual messenger, come through singing, “don’t worry, about a thing…” offering peace and justification that what they’re doing is going to work out perfectly in their favor—they just may hate the process a bit. 

But in a psychic reading, healing session, or intuitive consultation, although a sacred and safe space, it’s also a really honest space. 

Rather than nudging them to push through, I offer something potentially radical (and often get some resistance in return, at least at first): full permission to stop. To realign. To reconsider. And if they choose to, to return later from a different, more centered energy.

This isn’t about avoidance—it’s about refocusing. It’s about acknowledging that the energy we bring to anything we engage with becomes the foundation we stand on. If we’re forcing ourselves through resentment, exhaustion, or obligation, we’re building something on a shaky, unsustainable base.

The forcefulness behind these decisions, as we drag our feet and begrudgingly show up, turns into an energy force that is quite literally the opposite of an intuitive lifestyle.

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The Energy You Build With Becomes the Foundation You Stand On

If you’re showing up to a task with resistance, resentment, or exhaustion, that energy doesn’t disappear—it lingers, weaving itself into whatever you’re trying to build.

Think of the 10 of Wands in tarot: the weight, the burden, the struggle of carrying too much. If you're forcing yourself to continue something just because you feel like you have to—whether it’s a project, a business model, a way of showing up online, or even a habit—you’re doing yourself a disservice. You’re scattering your energy instead of directing it intentionally.

This is especially true with dating apps. Having conversations with clients about dating apps is where I use the "Then Don't" theory most often.

If you're swiping through profiles with a sense of dread, exhaustion, or—let’s be honest—mild nausea, what exactly do you think you're manifesting? Love built on frustration? A relationship constructed from obligation? A situationship with someone who lists "fluent in sarcasm" in their bio?

Let’s stop. At least for a moment. And consider another way.

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Your Life Is the Map—Not Just the Route You’re On

Many of us treat the paths we’re on as if they’re the only available options. As if we have to keep trudging forward no matter what. And that if we do so, our resilience will reap some reward. 

But the truth is, there are always alternative routes, even if they require us to step outside of what feels familiar or expected. Showing Universe/Source/Spirit that you’re changing course, allowing a different response to discover you. 

Your business doesn’t have to follow the latest online marketing trends if they drain you. Your spiritual practice doesn’t have to include certain rituals just because they work for others. Your dating life doesn’t have to revolve around endless swiping just because it seems like that’s what everyone else is doing.

When I offer a client the Then Don’t Theory in a session, sometimes it leads to complete relief and a feeling of levity almost immediately. They’ll say, “OMG I NEEDED THAT!” and start to confirm what they inevitably knew—that it’s time to make adjustments that fit their current needs.

Other times, it’s met with resistance. “Um, what do you mean don’t?” Then I know we’ve touched on a more sensitive and sticky part of their energy. We get to explore deep seeded fears, letting them come up to the surface.

The fear of, “If I don’t try the apps, will I miss my person?” or “If I don’t show up online every day, how do I not fall behind in my industry?” 

Way more vulnerable, and therefore more powerful. 

The “what if” questions have a sneaky way of stopping us from giving ourselves permission to break up with the things we don’t want to do. Because what if nothing better comes along. 

But meeting the “What if” worries with the “Then Don’t” theory temporarily halts the former and offers a little wiggle room to consider a different path. One that doesn’t involve me telling you to just throw a healthy dose of love, light, and laughter towards the very thing keeping you miserable.

We get to stop blaming our source of dissatisfaction, and instead stop engaging with it altogether. 

The key isn’t to abandon everything—but to pause and ask: Is this still aligned? And if the answer is no? Especially if it’s a full body ick or visceral resistance?

“Then Don’t.”

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Spirit Moves When You Do

If the thought of another forced engagement—whether it’s yet another, “hey, how’s your week going?” conversation on Hinge, a networking event you’re dreading, or keeping up with Instagram despite wanting to throw your phone into the ocean—makes you want to scream… let’s finally honor that feeling.

“Then Don’t”.

Instead of forcing, tell the universe where else you’re willing to go, try, or experience in place of that thing. And then actually go. Think of it as a spiritual rerouting.

Close the laptop. Step away from the screen. Lift your head and look at the life you have, exactly as it is, even without that one thing you thought you had to do. There are opportunities waiting beyond the tunnel vision of obligation.You just have to give yourself permission.

For the spiritually attuned, this is the moment when the universe stops waiting for you to manifest in stillness and starts co-creating with you in movement. It’s the moment when you stop spinning in frustration and begin channeling your energy toward something that truly lights you up.

Because the “worst” that can happen? You explore something new, and it doesn’t immediately lead to a breakthrough. But that sounds a lot more fulfilling than forcing yourself through something that drains your spirit.

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The Power of "Then Don’t"

Back to my theory. I want to clarify that “Then Don’t” isn’t about giving up. It’s about conscious disengagement. It’s about removing guilt, pressure, and unnecessary justification from decisions that could be more intuitive in nature. It’s about removing yourself from an experience you know is wasting your time and redirecting your energy towards where you actually want to go. In other words, it’s not a moment of failure, it’s a moment of true empowerment.

If something no longer serves you, “Then Don’t”.

• Don’t keep forcing yourself into social spaces that drain you.

• Don’t keep running a business in a way that depletes your energy.

• Don’t stay on social media if you deeply desire a quieter, more present life.

• Don’t keep up with routines that no longer align with your growth.

• Don’t keep swiping just because you think that’s what "putting yourself out there" is supposed to look like.

The universe listens when we stop pouring energy into something that isn’t meant for us anymore. And often, when we stop clinging, something far better has the space to arrive.

So if you need it today, here it is: permission granted.

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Readings are my thing.  

Book a 1:1 reading or intuitive coaching session with me for even more radical permission, encouragement, and spiritual care. 

Here’s what my client said yesterday about the experience…

“I’m blown away at how much healing, expansion, grounding and clarity came from my first coaching session with Kate. We went deep quickly but in the most gentle and effective way. I felt SO seen, SO heard, and SO safe. This session was such a perfect mix of intuitive insight, tactical practices to integrate, and a sense of levity through all of the vulnerability. I’ve worked with many coaches over the years and one hour sessions have never felt like enough. This was the opposite with Kate, I’m walking away with so much fresh perspective to sit with and aligned direction.”